Real or Not Real
by Lipslikefire
Summary: What's going through Peeta's mind when he returns from the Capitol, weak and doped up from tracker jacker venom? What is he thinking when he calls Katniss a mutt? Peeta's POV. ****CHAPTER 3 IS UP!****
1. Confusion

DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Hunger Games or Peeta...So don't sue! :D RnR, please!

Hope you like this story. It's all about how Peeta feels when he thinks Katniss is a mutt, and how he deals with it all. Enjoy!

~Fire

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Peeta's POV~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I look up at the doctor. "What happened?"

She looks at me with sympathy. "The Capitol-" She was interrupted by the sound of a muffled voice coming from her headset.

"Ah. I see. Let her in. Get backup." She replies.

I hear the sound of a door opening, and I crane my neck to see who came to visit me.

When I see who it is, hatred flows through me.

I stare into the eyes of the mutt. Katniss. She killed my family. I hate her. She starts running towards me. I stand up, and when she's within my reach, I stretch out my arms, and my fingers wrap around her neck. I see confusion swim through her grey eyes. I grip her neck harder, enjoying watching the life drain out of her. I wanted her _dead._ I release my grip, and as she slumps to the floor, I look to my right to see doctors running toward me. One has a syringe in her had. She plunges it deep into my arm, and I welcome the darkness greatfully.

When I wake up, my arm is sore, and my brain hurts. A memory floods through my mind.

_Katniss is standing above me, love and sorrow in her eyes. She spoon feeds me something sickly sweet, and I realize too late that she is feeding me sleep syrup. I try to fight off the drowsiness, but it's too much. I slump to the floor. _

Another, shinier memory takes its place.

_Katniss is standing above me, detest and hatred shining in her eyes. She shoves a spoonful of something in my mouth. It's poison, and I hate her. She laughs, and slams my head into the ground._

I hate Katniss. She tried to kill me. I want to kill her now. She's a mutt, created by the Capitol to kill us all. I need to get out of this room and warn everyone that the mutt cannot be trusted. She's not even human. She's a demon.

I try to get my shackles off, when suddenly something clear drips into my vein from one of my drips. I start to feel woozy, but I shake it off. This just makes me more frantic to get out of my white room. My body spasms, and I can feel my hand-cuffs cut into my flesh, but it's worth it, it'll be worth it when I get to see Katniss die. I see her through a panel of glass, and my fury cannot be tamed anymore.

"MUTT! SHE'S A MUTT! SHE CANNOT BE TRUSTED! SHE WAS SENT HERE BY THE CAPITOL! KILL HER! LET ME KILL HER!" I shout, before something stronger floods my veins, knocking me out cold.

My dreams are filled with the mutt, and I fantasize killing her. I can just see her blood on my hands, the blood that gives her life slowly draining out of her…

I wake up with a start, rubbing my head. What's happening to me? Why do I want to kill Katniss?

I feel the tears fall out of my eyes, but I don't know why I'm crying.

~Sorry this chapter is so short! I'm ashamed. DX I'll update soon though, ;)

~Fire


	2. Lies

A/N: Hope you like this Chapter! R&R!

~Fire

I've been in therapy for a week now. The doctors keep mentioning "the girl", but they won't tell me her name. Something about me breaking down and trying to kill someone? I would never.

I'm lying on my bed with my arms strapped down. I'm not trying to get out of my restraints, but I'm nervous and my hands won't stop shaking.

There's a knock on the door, and the doctors stop talking about The Girl and nervously look at me. I'm getting sick of it. They keep looking at me like I'm going to kill them. They look at me with something in their eyes-fear? Whatever it is, I'm tired of it. They go to the door and open it.

A girl with a big smile and long blonde hair comes into the room. It's Delly.

"Peeta? It's me, Delly. From home." She says.

"Delly? Delly. It's you." It's good to finally see a friendly face.

"Yes! How are you doing?"

"I feel awful. Where are we? This doesn't look like home. What happened?" I ask her.

Delly smiles nervously. "Well…we're home, but we're in District 13 now. We live _here_ now,"

"That's what my doctors have been saying. But it makes absolutely no sense. Why aren't we home?" I ask, feeling like she was purposely holding information from me. Just another thing I hated. Everyone had to choose their words carefully around me, as if one wrong word could set me in a frenzy. Who knows, maybe I _am _dangerous.

Delly bites her lip. Here we go again. I know what she says next will only be the watered down, half truth of the real story. "Well, there was…..there was an accident. I want to go back home, too, Peeta. I was just remembering those chalk drawings we used to make on the paving stones outside of your bakery. Remember when you drew different animals?" She was talking to me like I was a kindergartener. I decided to play along.

"Yeah…..like pigs and things. Horses, and cats…." I fondly remembered me and Delly, much younger, outside a bakery, chalk in our small, outstretched hands. I was drawing a horse, Delly was drawing something. A flower, maybe? My mind settles on what Delly had said before the pavement drawings. I couldn't believe it. She was trying to distract me. I narrowed my eyes.

"You said…..something…something about an accident?" I would not let her evade me this time.

I see her face grow pale, and I see a slight sheen of sweat appear on her forehead as she tries to think of answer that doesn't give away too much information. "It was real bad. No one…no one could stay." I _know_, I know there's way more to the story than that. She continues. "But I know you're going to like it here, Peeta. The people who live here are incredibly nice to us. There's no shortage of food, there's always clean clothes, and school is much more enticing," She says.

"Why hasn't my family come to see me?" I ask. I miss them so much at times. I wonder what's keeping them.

Delly's eyes sparkle with unshed tears. "They can't." She says. "A lot of people didn't get out of District 12. We'll need to make a new life here," She says. Then she changes the subject. _Again._ "But I'm sure 13 needs a good baker. Don't you remember when you and your dad made all those dough boys and girls? And the gingerbread men, and-" I interrupt her.

"There was a _fire,"_ I realize.

"Yes." Delly whispers.

"Twelve burned down, didn't it?" I say. Then I realize who it was. _Katniss._ "It was because of _her._" I saw accusingly. "It was because of Katniss!" I shout. I frantically try to get out of the restraints that are circling my wrists. I need to get out, I need to kill the mutt. Katniss was the one who killed all the ones I love. I hated her with all my heart.

Delly looks sympathetic. But I don't want her sympathy. I wanted _revenge._ "No, Peeta, don't say that. Peeta, it wasn't her fault. She didn't burn down twelve." Delly says.

But I refuse to believe her. I narrow my eyes again. "Did the _mutt_ tell you that?" I hiss in her direction.

The white door opens suddenly, and Delly tries to edge away towards the opening in the wall. "She didn't have to, Peeta. She's not a-" Delly begins.

I need to warn her. I need to warn them all. They are all falling into the same trap, and if I don't warn them, Katniss will hurt them!

"She's lying! She's a mutt! She's a liar! You can't trust a word she says! She's some sort of a filthy mutt, created by the Capitol to kill us all! Don't trust her! Please, listen to me! Don't trust her. She's a mutt!"

My voice raises an octave. "SHE'S A FILTHY MUTT WHO CANNOT BE TRUSTED WITH ANYTHING! KILL HER NOW, WHILE YOU CAN! KILL HER BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!"

Delly opens her mouth. "No, Peeta, she's not a mutt, and she didn't-" Delly tries to convince me Katniss isn't a mutt again. But I won't hear any of it. I need to warn her.

"Delly, you can't trust her! Don't trust anything she says! I did, once, and look what she did! She tried to kill me! She killed my friends! She killed my family! Don't even look her in the eye! Don't go anywhere near her! She's a filthy mutt! She burned District 12!" I say, trying to get through to her.

A hand pulls a frightened Delly through the doorway, and slams the door. But I won't give up.

"Delly! Don't trust her! She's a mutt! A stinking mutt!"

The doctors in my room scribble frantically, writing down my words. Maybe they believe me. But before I can ask, something cold drips into my veins from my drip. I fall unconscious almost immediately. I'm glad for the oblivion. I close my eyes, and let the world fade away.

A/N: Well, this was a long chapter. I don't know when I'll be able to update again, but I promise it will be soon! :D Review please!

~Fire


	3. Nightmares

**A/N: Well, after 7 months, I realized this story absolutely needed to be updated. So, here we go. Hope you guys like it. And remember, it's rated T for a reason. Be warned. Oh, and some parts are based off parts in the book. So, yeah. Enjoy. **

Peeta Mellark POV

I wake up, but keep my eyes closed and my breathing steady. I don't want to face the doctors. I know what will happen. The doctors will put through countless hours of therapy, to help me with something. But I can't remember what.

I finally decide to open my eyes and face the day.

Dr. Lynn, the head doctor of my therapy is sitting in a chair just feet away from me. I wonder how long she's been there.

"Good morning, Peeta," Dr. Lynn says, picking up a clipboard. What was it with these people and their clipboards?

"Hey," I say wearily.

"Today we'll start with video therapy." She says.

"Fine with me." I say, even though it's not.

"We'll show you various clips of Katniss." She says, carefully monitoring my reaction.

My body flies into a spasm. "The mutt?" I demand.

Dr. Lynn walks over to me, and injects something clear into the vein in the crook of my arm.

Immediately, the morphing calms me down. I take a deep breath. Dr. Lynn writes something down on her clipboard. Probably something along the lines of "this man is clearly insane, unstable, and mad."

"Now, Peeta, come along with me. We're going to room 4B." Lynn says, walking out of the room. I climb out of my bed, and follow her.

Inside the room, I see a row of doctors, all too eager to record my reaction to various tests. I sigh, sitting down in the chair in the middle of the room that's obviously intended for me. As soon as my wrists are on the arm rest, and my legs are touching the ground, cold, metal cuffs ensnare me to the chair. I look up in surprise.

One of the other doctors notices my look of shock. "It's for your own safety," He says.

_My own safety? _ I wonder to myself. I notice a blank screen in front of me. It's a projector. It's obviously going to play a part in my therapy. And by the looks of it, I might try to escape from it if I weren't chained down.

"Ready, Peeta?" Lynn asks.

"Yes." I respond. I really do want to try to overcome what the Captiol did to me, though it seems to slip my mind when I try to recall what they did to me.

The screen flickers to life. I see myself. I see a cave. And I see Katniss. The mutt. The filthy, stinking, Capitol created mutt. How dare she hurt those I love? How dare she ever have been born? How dare she kill my own family?

I clench my mouth shut. Finally, I can't take it any longer. I can't bear to stand watching The Mutt talk. She's disgusting. She should have never been created.

"Get it away from me!" I screech. "She's a mutt! A filthy, repulsive, Capitol-bred mutt! She can't be trusted! Look at what she did to me!"

It happens again. Someone gives me a shot of morphling, and my nerves become calmer.

I watch the video.

The on-screen Peeta laughs, his blue eyes sparkling with joy. I couldn't remember being this happy before. Surely I couldn't be smiling because of The Mutt?

The Mutt was talking to me. And I wasn't trying to kill her, or injure her. In fact, it looked…it looked like I was in love. But it couldn't be.

"When Prim was 8, I got her Lady, the goat." Katniss said, smiling fondly.

"Well Prim's very lucky to have a sister like you," I said.

I stared at the screen. It turned off. In the distance, I could hear someone calling out to me, but I was beyond caring.

Was Katniss a mutt? Or wasn't she? What was she? The Games played it off as though I was her lover. What was I to her? Just a poor, love-struck boy? Just a friend?

The doctors waved their hands in front of me, but I didn't give any sign of seeing them. I was too lost in my own little world.

After some time, I came out of my stupor.

"What happened to the goat?" I blurted out.

Dr. Lynn gave me a mournful look before leading me back into my room.

* * *

"_Peeta."_

Katniss is calling to me. I have to find her. It's a gauzy, violet-tinted world. It has no solid lines, nothing to get a firm grasp on. I hear her sweet voice calling out to me. I walk around in this strange world, following her voice. I see her silhouette in front of me. I smile, and we hug. Only then do I notice that something's pierced me right when my heart should be.

I look up, shocked. Katniss smiles like a shark to me, and laughs manically. I look down. The hilt of a knife protrudes from my right breastbone.

"Katniss," I whisper in the darkness, "How could you?" I manage, before sinking down to my knees.

Katniss places her hand under my chin, and brings it up. "Poor Peeta. You never did understand, did you?" She says, releasing my chin, and walking around me.

I blink back the tears. "What do you mean?"

Katniss' eyes glow with a red fire. Suddenly, she changes into a mutt. She looks like one of the mutts from the first Games we went in to.

Katniss rakes a claw along my cheek. "I never loved you," She said, laughing into the black sky.

* * *

I wake up in a cold sweat. Dreams are usually a place of solitude for me, but they aren't any more. Ever since the Capitol….dreams have never been the same.

It's been 2 weeks since I saw the video of me and Katniss in the cave. There's a knock on the door.

"Come in." I say.

Haymitch walks in.

"How's it going, Peeta?" He says.

"Never the better. Besides having my mind messed up, countless drugs pumped into me, and not being able to figure anything out, life is perfect right now." I say sarcastically.

Haymitch raised his eyebrows slightly. "Hmm. Well, Plutarch has a job for you. Something about helping you with Katniss." Haymitch grumbled.

This sparks my interest. Anything to get me out of this jail they called the hospital. "What?"

"Finnick and Annie are getting married. He thought you ice the cake. You know, since you're a baker." Haymitch replies.

Baking. My former past-time.

"Sure," I respond.

"Good to know," Haymitch says before leaving the room.

I stare blankly at the wall. An hour later, when I'm shown into another room, I see that it was worth the wait. The room has everything a baker could ever imagine in it: all sorts of candies, icings, colorings, you name it. I felt a rush of past memories flood my mind. In the middle is a table with a giant dirty-iced cake on it.

I put on the apron that Plutarch hands me.

"Have fun," He says, before leaving the room. I know I'm not really alone, though. There's a one-way glass window that replaces one wall. I know that at least Plutarch and Haymitch are behind it. Who knows who else.

I ignore the feeling of being watched, and get to work. I find a few bowls, and some baker's paintbrushes. I get out the sugar and milk. I pour just the right amount of sugar, milk, and vanilla into the bowl to make a creamy, vanilla icing. I whisk it together, and section it off into four different bowls. In one, I drop in some blue food coloring. In another, green. I leave one white, and in the last one, I add black.

The cake is a three-tier. I look around until I find a box of graham crackers. I pull a few out and crush them in a bowl. When they're adequately crushed, I put the crumbs on the bottom tier. It will look like sand. After all, being from District 4, Finnick and Annie should have a sea-themed cake.

I dip the brush into the blue. I run it across the cake, dipping it there, raising it up there. I swirl in a bit of green, and mix in a bit of white, to resemble ocean froth. Once the cake is basically iced, I take a step back, contemplating what I should do next. I bite my lip.

Suddenly, inspiration hits me. I mix up more frosting, this time coloring it red, yellow, purple, and pink. I paint on different colored fish. Some red, some orange, some purple. I dab on spots of black for the eyes. I paint on a sailboat, being tossed back and forth between the waves.

I wipe my brow, feeling happier than I had in ages. Frosting this cake brought back memories. It made my heart feel light as a feather.

In less than an hour, I was done. I took the final step back, surveying everything. The waves were just right, the fish looked absolutely life-like, and the whole cake seemed alive with emotion. I had to stare at the waves for a while to make sure they weren't actually moving.

I was done. It took a while, but I was done.

The door opened behind me. Haymitch stepped in, followed closely by Plutarch.

"Beautiful. I've never seen anything like it," Plutarch said, staring at the cake in awe.

"Thank you. It was a pleasure making a cake for my friend's wedding." I said.

Plutarch said nothing, still staring at the cake.

Haymitch laughed, and walked me back into my room.

"Haymitch. I want to see Katniss." I said.

Haymitch looked at me with shock. "Are you sure?" He asked.

I nodded my head. "Yes. It's the least you owe me."

Haymitch looked at me in disbelief. "The least I owe you?" He repeated.

"You should have told me about the rebel plot! Maybe none of this would have happened if you did! None of us would be in this mess if you had simply told me the truth." I said, glaring at Haymitch.

Haymitch left me alone in my room. Who knows how long I sat there. Waiting, while the wedding went on above my head.

A few hours later, Haymitch walked back into my room.

"You can see her. But we'll have to put you in lockdown." Haymitch said.

I say nothing as my arms are restrained. When Haymitch is satisfied that I won't be able to hurt anyone, he leaves the room.

When she walks in, I just stare at her numbly.

She crosses her arms protectively over her ribs. "Hey."

"Hey." I say.

"Haymitch said you wanted to talk to me."

"Look at you, for starters." I stare at Katniss, the girl who the Capitol convinced me I was in love with. A minute later, I add, "You're not very big, are you? Or particularly pretty?"

Katniss' eyes narrow. "Well, you've certainly had better days."

I laugh, though I have no idea why. "And you're not even a little bit nice. To say that to me, after everything I've had to endure."

Katniss looks at me with disgust. I return her stare with an icy glare.

"Yeah. We've all been through a lot. And besides, you were known for being the nice one, not me." Katniss says.

I say nothing.

She looks at me wearily. "Look, I don't feel so well. Maybe I'll stop by tomorrow."

She's almost at the door when I speak up. "Katniss." I say.

She turns around.

"I remember the bread."

Katniss speaks. "They showed you the tape of me talking about it."

I shake my head, sighing. "No. Is there a tape of you talking about it? Why didn't the Capitol use it against me?" I ask, searching her eyes.

"I made it the day you were rescued. So what do you remember?" She asks, rubbing her ribs. I wonder what happened. Did she get injured?

"You. In the rain." I say, looking at the ground. "Digging in our trash bins. Me, burning the bread. My mother hitting me. Taking the bread out for the pig, but then giving it to you instead."

Katniss' eyebrows shoot up. "That's it," She says. "That's what happened. The next day, after school, I wanted to thank you. But I didn't know how."

"We were outside at the end of the day. I tried to catch your eye. You looked away from me. And then….for some reason, I think you picked a dandelion." I reply.

Katniss nods.

"I must have loved you a lot," I say.

"You did." Katniss says, coughing.

"And did you love me?" I ask.

Katniss kept her eyes on the floor, refusing to meet my eyes. "Everyone says I did. Everyone says that's why Snow had you tortured. To break me. To break the Mockingjay's wings, so she couldn't fly."

"That's not an answer," I snap. "I don't know what to think when they showed me some of the tapes. In that first arena, it seemed as though you tried to kill me with those tracker jackers."

Katniss finally meets my eyes with her steely gaze. "I was trying to kill all of you. You had me corned up a tree."

I keep her gaze while I ask the next question. "Later, there's a lot of kissing. It never actually seemed genuine on your part. Did you like kissing me?" I say.

"Sometimes," She admits. She looks around. "You know people are watching us now?"

"I know." I say.

Katniss looks uncomfortable.

"What about Gale?" I ask.

Katniss' eyes flare. "He wasn't a bad kisser, either."

"And was it okay with us? You kissing the other?" I ask, narrowing my eyes.

"No. It wasn't okay with either of you. Who said I was asking your permission?" Katniss said shortly.

I laugh coldly. "Well. You're quite a piece of work, aren't you?"

Katniss turns her head and walks out the door.

I lean against my pillow. Sleep evades me. Eventually, I call in Haymitch to give me a shot of sleep syrup. He looks at me, but doesn't protest.

I guess this is how I'll live the rest of my life. Only able to sleep when someone gives me sleep syrup.

As the darkness drags me under, I remember something, but I can't place where I remember it from.

_A pearl._

**A/N: OHMYGOSH! I'm DONE! I haven't updated in a while (as you know), so I made this an extra long update! Poor Peeta. What did you guys think? I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it! **

**~Fire**


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